a good cat

Yesterday morning I had to say good bye to a very dear friend and family member.

Sid was relieved of his duty to love us after silently suffering from lung cancer.

It was a sad day. 

  

I am struggling to find the right words to describe how I am feeling - sad, very sad.  Sid has been with us for almost 7 years and was the first to greet Isabelle when she arrived home from the hospital almost 6 years ago and slept with me the entire first night Owen arrived.  He has been ever so patient and has unconditionally loved us all (no matter how many times we tried to shove him off our lap).  He has been through so much with us it is hard to imagine life without him.  He was a good cat, a really really good cat.  He will be is terribly missed.

snow show

Isabelle's kindergarten just had their annual snow show last week - the original show had actually been cancelled…due to a snow day…go figure!  While she was a bit worried over the whole shindig she got up with all her classmates and sang all the words to the songs like a pro.  No, Isabelle is most certainly not comfortable in the front line (me neither darlin)- but right there in the middle of her friends she is quite content. A safe place where she can glance at her friends when the words or accompanying hand motions fleet from her mind (oh dear…i do know that feeling).  Her beaming smile and radiating confidence after were worth a little fret….and we were all so proud of our little snow gal.

a mama day

Last week I took a self proclaimed personal day.  Kids were at school and daycare and I worked from home…not long after realizing that work was just not going to be in the picture.  Instead I cleaned my house at my own pace - and then enjoyed a clean house for more than 2 seconds, I made a cake, collected eggs, prepared dinner early so I could leave for knitting on time (didn't happen), knit, self indulged in a little netflix and just plain relaxed.  I needed it, to be honest I could use a few more.  With February quite literally gobbled up by colds and with the lingering fear of 14 out of 31 days without Aaron in March I needed that day (and that cake).  

good, worth making once…but likely won't make it again

admiring color and thanking those hens…we are all eating many many eggs these days

yes, butternut rises again….our mid-winter-squash-gag-reflex has subsided!

clean floors and kitty paws

change, it comes eventually

There has been a whole lot of crafting happening in this house of ours, the dining room table usually resembling a glittery mound of paper cuttings and pom poms…as it should be I suppose on these days.  But let me tell you, I am so ready to kick my kids out the door for hours on end.  For now our excursions are quick, the prep time usually the bulk of it, and with our latest near 2 foot dump of snow I am wondering when I might just lose Owen to the snow all together.  For now I will practice my breathing exercises (no i won't…but i should…) while I sweep the floor for the zillionth time in one day. 

To snow, to crafts, to popcorn strung for birds.

And this tune is quite obviously stuck in my head…

Everything is everything,

What is meant to be, will be

After winter, must come spring

Change, it comes eventually

L. Hill

to be a cat.

I often am envious of these cats of mine.  Spending every moment of the warm summer days outside and now sleeping their way through the winter months.  Somedays I wish I could also curl up and sleep my way through this….especially this morning at -16 outside.  This time of year is challenging for me and possibly more so with pregnancy hormones and our recent run with colds…lets just say I don't feel like myself.  Either way it is time to stop wanting to be the cat.  It is time to start getting outside, creating, laughing and spending quality time with people I love.  And maybe, on occasion, still curl up with that cat to dream about spring.

a simple beat

It has been a long week of colds here in this home of ours.  I have spent countless moments wiping noses, rubbing backs and filling the humidifier with water and a few drops of thieves oil.  But there is one simple remedy- which seems to work the best- for those achey hot little bodies that are beyond restless and in need of sleep.  That remedy is simple, that remedy is presence and the simple beat of my heart.  This simple beat that inherently eases their bodies and souls, the beat that their tiny ears heard first in my womb.  Sinking into my chest their ears press deeply against my skin, I know what they hear and what they feel.  I can feel it myself and in moments of wariness last week I wished my own mom was with us so I could lay my own heavy head upon her chest.  To hear that sound - to feel that rhythm.  I can't help but also think about this tiny human growing inside me is hearing it too, lulled by the swaying of my walk and the beat of my heart.  This connection is so strong and so powerful, I am so grateful to find moments of peace in chaos and to realize this and embrace it.