Flora and more

Ah!  I'm here, I promise!  So so much has happened over the last few weeks I feel a little bewildered as to how I got here.  It went a little something like....flu for a week, new job, arlo ear infection, and now...oh my....I got a rabbit!  As one can imagine there are not many photos of the above...actually none.  The flu (or whatever horrible something took over my body) was pretty ugly.  I didn't end up noticing the early signs of Arlo's ear infection because I just thought he had the flu along with me....poor guys ear ruptured (not pretty).  And the whole job things sort of just happened really fast - I'm a weekend morning baker at a local bakery.  So far, I'm loving being in a kitchen again - learning new techniques, using my hands to create lots lot yummy treats...and am hoping to work up enough of a sweat while rolling out croissant dough to burn all the calories I inevitably ingest.  Yes.  Croissants.   It feels good to sneak out in the wee hours of the morning, listen to NPR on my commute, and work outside of the house.

Oh and that rabbit...  I have a lot to say about fiber, knitting, and spinning...enough for another post.  But it has, over the past few months, brought me back to life a bit.  Moving sucks, no need to rehash that, but getting my hands moving again has really helped.  For a while I have been toying with the idea of a duel purpose rabbit - pet & fiber source - and have been just waiting for the right opportunity.  It came unexpectedly yesterday and we are so excited to have this fuzzy gal.  She really is a hoot and I am over the moon excited to spin up some ultra soft angora!!!

a Sunday morning

A morning spent transplanting a few plants outdoors, planting seeds and onion sets, transporting the meat pullets to their outdoor coop, and basking in all that is good this spring.  The leaves are unfurling their sweet fuzzy peach skinned leaves and we relish in all the pinks and purples from the fruit trees.  Under the swinging pendulum of all that is family life, on that day and in that moment the tide was calm and we were able to breath.  It felt so good.

Our time here has been short and I ask myself several times a day what exactly was the purpose of us being plucked from a place our hearts felt so connected.  Whether or not I'd like to admit it - here we are - finding inspiration, resilience, growth, and purpose.  I think both Aaron and I can honestly say we aren't exactly where we thought we would be, but somedays we can admit that we are exactly where we are supposed to be.....for the moment.

a little of this and that

My camera and brain seemed to have disconnected a bit this weekend and I'm sad to say I didn't snap one photo over the holiday weekend - it was an Easter-Aaron birthday eggsravaganza....!!  It was fun...but wow...it was tiring and I'm happy it is over!!  Here are a few of the sweeter moments from the prior week.

morning yoga

a fifth bowl of oatmeal devoured by arlo 

maple looking for leftovers

sweet pants dad!

Aaron (in those super awesome waders he is sporting) took the kids and a few other homeschool families out for one of his water quality surveys he does with the National Park Service.  They all got their hands on some sort of aquatic insect, checked out a beaver dam, and inevitably got their pants and sleeves wet.

cake pans full of crayfish and caddisfly larvae

crane fly larvae 

a smiling baby

and this lovely lazy cat (who is so much more friendly post snip snip)

Spring and her constituents

A week ago Spring graced us with her presence and signs of her are all around.  Seedling trays brimming with soil, big garden dreams, a batch of chicks awaiting us at the post office, a whole day spent in bathing suits to play in the rain and then subsequently sun bathe in the steamy weather that followed, garage projects completed, windows open and the birds chirping.  Arlo is moving back and forth from a real crawl to what we call the froggy hop (i'll try to upload a video...its hysterical) and simultaneously trying to cruise from surface to surface (with lots of falls in the mean time...).   Isabelle is still enamored by her new independence in the kitchen and Owen is happy to goof off close by.  We will take the gift of this "early" spring and send warm thoughts to family north....

yours and mine

There is something pretty special happening each and everyday with this girl of mine.  I have had the privilege to watch her grow from a quiet and reserved toddler to a wonderfully brave child.  My heart skips a beat when she talks to the librarian or doesn't hesitate to jump on a tractor with a new friend.  It wasn't that long ago that we were seeking professional help for our preschooler who refused to talk in preschool (for a year).  Her hurdles have felt so personal or like I have failed at being a mom.  Now, in retrospect...I wish I could have had the ease to know everything was going to be ok (even though that was told to me over and over).  I have not always been so graceful and patient with Isabelle (and I can guarantee that isn't dramatically going to change in the near future...we will still butt heads) and can feel filled with disappointment and shame at times.   Ever so slowly I am acknowledging her journey is not my journey, I am only a willing participant.  It is HER journey.  And even more slowly - at a snails pace - I am forgiving myself, letting go of the shame, and enjoying my journey more and more. 

You might be gone...but I can still smell ya

Its true.  Grampy leaves his mark with the scent of oils...cyprus, rose, lavender, some sort of mint and many more I'm sure I'm missing.  We walk into the bedroom, where he and my mom slept this weekend, and a familiar tingle hits my nose.  I've been breathing that smell in heavy after a much anticipated weekend went a little different than planned.  A weekend that was boasting plans to DC or maybe the mountains was left behind and instead we took it slow, hung around the fire, and just were.  The big plans were saved for a different visit and in so many ways, I am so grateful that all the plans just didn't pan out.  Sometimes the best plan is to have no plan at all.  To sit and just carry on with nothing out of the ordinary....accept maybe the pints of Ben & Jerry's.... to hang in sweat pants all day...force your mom to drink fluids...and to find laughter.

My mom isn't feeling well, to say the very least, and in the past I have asked for positive and healing thoughts for myself...this time they will be for my mom.  We are all hoping for some answers over the next few weeks, for her to find comfort, and most importantly for her to be taken care of.  Because let's get real...she doesn't know how to do this because her whole life has been dedicated to caring for all of us.  And she might get mad at me for drawing attention to her and her not feeling 100%.  But I'm ok with that, if you are mad it means you have a little fight in you....and I expect nothing less.  I hope you get bombarded with positive, healing energy from all those that undoubtably love you....and I hope your eyes roll every time the phone rings and it is someone calling to check in on you.

kitty love

There is something so sweet about about a kitten in a basket.  Poor Maple's peaceful moment was abruptly ended by me bringing attention to her whereabouts....first me and my dreadful camera, then Arlo, and finally Banjo joined in.  No sleep for the weary here....

the conversation continues

There are many ongoing conversations going on at the moment in our home.  Most nights, when animal protein is consumed at our table, conversations usually entail killing chickens, muscles, bones, blood, how Lui shot a deer, pain, nutrition and so on.  You can imagine, that at three, Owen is leading this conversation...with eyes that grow from quarter to silver dollar size and his expression can not be contained to his face...he speaks with his body.

A few days ago, Owen had a really good spill - a big bruised and scraped back left my brave soldier in a puddle of tears - and me angry and scared.  "Owen if you fell that hard on your head you could be really hurt.... we could be at the hospital... you could have broken your bones...and on and on."  I was exasperated to say the least and in a quiet moment he looked up at me, face smeared in dirty tears, "mama, if my muscles come out....would you eat me?".  I had to swallow my urge to burst out in laughter, to take his question with utmost sincerity and compassion.  "No, I would never eat you".  This conversation ended as abruptly as it came.  That is one nice thing about three year olds - a thought provoking double whammy question followed by "can I have some yogurt".

Since that day I have been thinking a lot about the choices we make when it comes to food and why they are so important to us - this isn't new at all.  I always want to be honest with them, where food comes from and that there are alternatives (you don't have to eat meat if you don't want to!).  Our freezer is empty at the moment, the last home raised chicken was eaten a few weeks ago and I think there is one hunk of pork that we are saving for one last special moment.  There are talks of meat birds in the spring but for now I am outsourcing everything.  This morning as I look over my shopping list I see a long list of items that include a hefty portion of animal protein (I shop biweekly so it feels lengthy but in reality it is 5 out of 14 nights that include meat of some sort) and I can't help but wonder will I know where any of this comes from?  Can I afford to know where my meat comes from?  There are times when we slip off the bandwagon - buy conventional to fit the budget...it never feels good.  Then I roll my eyes and wonder, is the USDA organic stamp worth anything these days?  I know what it means in  reference to my wallet...but seriously what does it even mean anymore when it is stamped in a natural inspired section within a conventional super store.  I prefer knowing my farmer and their husbandry practices - an organic stamp really doesn't mean much to me.  I'm not sure what will end up in my cart at the grocery store today...maybe I will have the energy to stop at the local butcher in town today...maybe I will grab anything I can in a dazed frazzle that usually is my shopping experience.  One thing I do know is when we eat, whatever ends up in my cart today, we will inevitably be talking about it at our table....blood, guts, bones and all.

Watch out where those huskies go...

and don't you eat that yellow snow!

In my short lived Virginia experience, I believe most people we have met along the way are quickly exhausted by temperatures below 40 and inclement weather.  I internally laugh (and sometimes out loud...) anytime someone says "I just can't wait for spring" or "I'll look forward to the snow being gone".  I mean...really?....It has snowed once.  It is my observation that most people don't invest in proper gear, resulting in poor outdoor experiences.  No kid or adult wants cold, wet feet or fingers.  

Hesitating to invest money in something their growing kids might wear a handful of times a year isn't a high priority and this is something I get (sort of).  And complaints regarding weather are all relative...I will likely be the hot, sweaty, and smelly mama refusing antipersperant, limiting climate control, and crying about the humidity this summer.  In fact, I know this will be true.  So yeah, Virginia friends I'm totally not trying to white wash you - in fact there is a nice handful of you that appreciates this weather as much as we do - and if you are one of the many counting the days down to spring...well that is ok too.

My rant diverges.

So, what I'm really trying to get at is....this snow has been awesome.  I mean ...the snow itself was dry and not exactly snowman material...nevertheless there have been attempts, there has been sledding, Aaron has reveled in teaching the kids Zappa lyrics about yellow snow, snowball fights, and walks in the woods (err...along paved paths).  But it really has done us good.  The air is crisp and there is a fleeting sense - almost an urgency most days to get out and lay down in the cold stuff while it is here.  

cast off to cast on

I started this small sweater, another EZ Baby Surprise,  months before the Arlo's arrival.  It has sat bundled in a basket on a shelf.  I haven't had motivation to knit, I don't know if it was the move or the project or what...but had no desire to pick it back up.  Thankfully my knitting slump is over and I am falling in love all over again with my yarn, my needles, my time and the sweetness that is babies in their sweaters.  My spinning wheel is scheduled to be returned good as new this morning (the move was a little tough on her) and a package of blissful yarn arrived in the mail yesterday from a friend so dear my heart jumped with excitement and my eyes simultaneously filled with tears of gratitude (and sadness of distance - yes that is certainly still there).  Sometimes all I need is a project in my basket - something in my hands - something that grounds me and helps me find my breath.  

And sometimes you have a friend that reminds you of those simple things and you can't help but feel how lucky you are to have so many amazing people in your life that support you in ways you could never expect.  

Thank you.