stillness

It started out with the good intention of going to a puppet show - how overwhelming can a puppet show be really?  Well the answer...if you haven't already guessed...is really overwhelming.  The combination of April vacation (=way more kids than normal at the library), unseasonably warm weather and that it took place in a very small -unventilated basement room- of our local library proved to be a very over stimulating.  Owen could not keep still and we were packed in like sardines...and well you can imagine Isabelle trying her hardest to sit on top of me in order to avoid touching any of the several people surrounding us.

It went pretty well...I was surprised at how well Isabelle was coping with the situation...a short time ago I thought she would have made a be line for the door as soon as she saw all the kids.  But then...oh...but then...the last puppet really wanted to give everyone in the audience a kiss.  Oh no.  I thought...we are close to the back...she surely won't make it all the way back here.  But she did.  And upon the dragon swooping in to kiss Isabelles head we all witnessed shear uninhibited fear - she screamed.  And not the cute squeal scream.... it was the puppet is going to rip my head off type of scream.

After we nearly escaped...with all our heads in tact...we walked to the park to breath for a few minutes. Followed by some hugs and big heavy sighs.  I think she knew she over reacted but there was just nothing she could do about it.  It was okay, I know my girl and I apologized for the situation escalating to what it had.  We loaded up into the car and headed home...and then we all napped (which never ever happens).  After Isabelle woke up and ate her lunch she said she really wanted to go for a walk to her special place (in the woods across the street) and I was more than happy to oblige.  She told me on the walk over that she really loved the puppet show but thinks she feels more safe when we play in the woods - yup she is definitely my girl.

we built a stick home for the wood fairies

and stood quietly to watch the mice scurrying through the leaves and wood

My girl may not be all that comfortable in a room filled with unfamiliar faces...or big stuffed (cute) puppets giving her a kiss.  But she is comfortable in the woods...with her fairy friends, mischievous wood gnomes, and her new favorite...water striders (those little bugs that seem to dance on top of the water).  I witnessed something special about Isabelle in the picture above...I noticed and felt so proud that my girl could sit quietly and patiently until the mice went back to work.  That she understood what patience was and she was rewarded with glimpses of tales and little furry bodies scurrying beneath the leaves.   And in this moment I forget all my worries of how Isabelle or when Isabelle will adjust to big crowds or overstimulation...because truly...down deep I'm not sure I ever have myself.  And I think I too feel safer in the stillness of the forest, under a canopy of trees and being whispered to by the wind and a babbling brook.  Yup, my girl and I are quite content in the forest.

mama brain

 

 I think it is normal - this condition known as mama brain - but it wasn't quite as severe until Owen was added to the bunch.  I am finding myself struggling to interact in public - never 100% in a conversation with anyone...my brain instead is flashing glimpses of spit up, diapers, laundry, ideas for isabelle, nursing, the sleep I really could have used the night before...and so on.  I find myself trying to repeat over and over a fraction of what someone is trying to tell me in my head in hopes to remember to interject with something rational or related to the conversation.  Sometimes I find myself in the middle of a conversation and have no clue what I am talking about.  I know mama brain won't last forever and someday I will regain partial control over thoughts and conversational skills...but until then...bare with me...I'm only 50% there.

keeping isabelle preoccupied...dress up and coloring...a regular combo

(new tutu made by grammy!)

trying hard to avoid this...

and keep the peace...

(as much as it may appear so...Sid is just pressed firmly against Owen...not on top of him)

~

50% in a conversation and 100% into my kids that is...

~

Oh and for all you who know my fat cat dilemma (never have I EVER had a fat cat...)...I reluctantly and shamefully brought my fat duo to the vet yesterday and Furio weighed in at 13 lbs (2 lbs over weight) and Sid came in at a WHOPPING 17.6 lbs...yes he is a big cat but now he is just a big fat monster cat....can't wait for them to go outside!

shyness is not a character flaw...

Last week we had Isabelle's last day at dance class, which in some ways, was a relief.  We really love the dance class and teacher but it was just a bit much for Isabelle, some weeks she did great but the majority of the time Isabelle was Isabelle - standing quietly in first position while all the other children hop along with the teacher, looking back with tears at times, and only really participating if mama got up and held her hand.  Sometimes I struggle with her shyness and ask myself if I am doing what is best for her - but at the end of the day...with the support of my family and friends...I know she is a wonderfully smart, sensitive, and yes a shy little lady.  I don't quite care for the thought of "don't call your kid shy...that will make her shy" mentality...instead we acknowledge and support isabelle as she is.  Don't get me wrong...we don't go around telling everyone she is shy in front of her, but try to make her feel comfortable with being shy...so that when she is ready to say hello to a stranger or talk to some new peers she will because she is ready...not because we are forcing her to.  My good friend reminded me of the fact that sitting back and observing is participating for some children - those words resonate and sometimes become a silent mantra as I watch isabelle watch other children....it's okay this is how SHE participates.  And I know that this is a phase...its just that in so many ways I can see myself in her...I love being social and having friends and know how important being apart of a community is for me...but it doesn't always come easy... I still get knots in my stomach when I meet new people...struggle with the right conversation to have...am filled with insecurities... blablabla.  I just want Isabelle to be happy and content with her social situation - so for now...we will keep working on small group social scenes where she does best...and keep playing tap and ballet athome until she is ready to have a second round at dance class..... because there is no doubt in my mind that she will want to go back to dance class to try again in the future.

isabelle with her new friend stevie at the museum

~

When you're worried, tell yourself the truth: Shyness is a strength to build on, not a character flaw to be stamped out. -  "shyness is not a character flaw" - at the Malvern school

I'm sleeping with another man...

Owen...of course!  With the convenience of having a spare bedroom in the house Owen and I have been  co-sleeping alone (sans daddy).  We decided this would be best for two reasons...firstly, Aaron really needs to be on his "A" game at work - starting a new job at an Ivy League school two months before having a baby has been challenging...and since we have decided I would get to be the stay at home mama I have taken on the night time baby drill and let him get as much sleep as possible.  Secondly, I have a hard time watching my hubby sleep so soundly through a rough night...call me crazy but I just want to kick him just so he wakes up and acknowledges that I am a 24 hour milk machine.  So, for now, this is what is working best for everyone.

my snuggle buddy 

Now I know I slept with Isabelle for a while but she quickly ended up in the pack n' play next to the bed instead of in the nook of my arm like Mr. Owen.  We also didn't have a spare bedroom at the time and if you have ever shared the bed with a child you know that no matter how small they are they seem to take up the entire space.  Isabelle was able to sleep for 3 hours or more at a time pretty early on (don't get me wrong we were still waking up 3-4 times nightly)...Owen on the other hand is up every 1-2 hours to nurse....which is totally fine....but for me I can't muster up the strength to get out of bed each time to rock him to sleep, ever so gently put him down, tip toe back to bed...only to wake up 15 minutes later.  Co-sleeping is the only option for me...and now that I am really doing it and sticking with it, it isn't just because it is convenient.  It is because I can be close to my baby, feel his warmth, smell his smell and that all makes me glow at 3 a.m.

so much laundry...

So I was prepared for the onslaught of laundry that comes along with babies and especially cloth diapering...but I swear Mr. Owen must be in cahoots with a laundry detergent or stain remover...  But yesterday he totally outdid himself.  One load of laundry was created within - I kid you not - one commercial break of Ellen (yes...I love Ellen...and watch it when ever I can...).  And since I recently laughed so hard I cried at my dear friend Melissa's Poop Story...I figured I would share my own poop story (I'm sure there will be plenty more).

It all started with Isabelle wanting to practice her photography skills...(which is tough because she is learning on a Canon digital SLR that is 1/2 the size of her head...)

rut-roh mama

yeah...those evasive big worried eyes weren't just for show...

While I unknowingly posed for a picture with Owen I smelled that familiar smell of poo...not thinking much...because Isabelle really wanted to take a few pictures...I figured I would just get to it in a few minutes. WRONG...moments after the above picture was taken I felt warmth...NOT GOOD.  Owen blasted through his outfit and onto mama...ok...done this before...I jumped out of my pooped on pants and stripped the little man down and into the tub he went.  After bath he gets out, dried and dressed and pukes all over himself...and not just a little puke...this kid doesn't get the nickname "cheese maker" for nothing...OK back to the tub!  Then I get him out for the second time...wrap him in his towel and on our way to the changing table he pees all over me...and well after that we both ended up in new outfits...that thankfully lasted through the evening...

and well that's all she wrote...one load of laundry in less than five minutes... I will forever laugh at that picture above and think of the events that followed it...Thank you Isabelle for capturing it for us!

mornings

Today (and most days) I am so thankful for my snuggle buddy Owen.  Even though he insists on waking me up every two hours....he is the best little bundle of warmth to wake up next to.  His morning smiles and coos make the sleepless night fade away and fill me up with love.

And since I have been totally lacking on posts lately I also figured I would share our last doctors visit went awesome and Owen's "stats" are:

height: 20.25 in

weight: 9 lb 1.5 oz

head circumference: 14.75 in

optimism

So, the reason the title is optimism is because this could so easily turn into a overwhelmed tired mama rant - so repeat with me OPTIMISM .  We are still getting through the transition period here and I have decided to stop thinking about how long it might take and just take it day by day.  I thought things would be a little off kilter for maybe a week or two but I can see clearly now that it will take longer.  So bare with me over the next few weeks, posts will be lacking.

I was only able to sneak one photo

after which i was informed that there are no pictures allowed in class....hmph.....

Yesterday Isabelle had her first dance class (a Christmas gift from grandparents and aunts & uncles).  And well it went as well as I anticipated.  I admit, I did have some irrational thoughts that Isabelle would be so excited about dance class that she would immediately turn into some out going and brave young lady.  Alas, she was reserved, observing, and wary of all the new faces...with baby in arm I had to escort and dance Isabelle through class...at least someone is getting some exercise I suppose....

a story

Well... where to begin.  Only fitting to start the evening before really....

Aaron and I went to my ultrasound appointment (which was scheduled to due babies lateness) at 5:30 p.m.... the ultrasound went great - my amniotic fluids were spot on and baby scored an 8 of 8 on all things scored (I can't remember all of them).  Sigh!  We were both relieved that everything seemed to be so comfortable for baby in there and that just must be why he needed to camp out for 10 or more days.  After the ultrasound Aaron and I decided to get a bite to eat and even maybe see a movie (Isabelle was with my mom in RI....wow a night on the town for us!).  We tried a mexican place close to the hospital, which turned out to be pretty good for mexican in NH, and both ordered burritos.  I thought to myself...I hope I don't have this baby tomorrow...It will be one stinky birth (sign # 1).  After dinner we decided we were both way to full to see the movie and that tomorrow would be a better night anyways (sign # 2).  By the time we got home I was exhausted and Aaron decided to do a little work before bed... we abandoned our nightly ritual of cleaning up just in case the baby decided to come (sign #3).

SO yes...we ignored all the signs... and you know what happens next.  At about 3:30 a.m. I got up to go potty for the zillionth time and right then and there (on the potty) my water broke!  I really couldn't believe it, I just imagined I would start with contractions and the water would break after but nope...I was wrong!  I yelled to Aaron to get my glasses and that I thought my water had broke...I have never seen him get out of bed so quick!  We promptly called the midwife to let her know my water broke but I hadn't had a contraction yet and she said..."go back to bed"...hmph...not what I wanted to hear.  We tried to go back to sleep but we were both so anxious that we were both up and moving about ten minutes later.  Soon enough my contractions started...and then the fun started.  It was all pretty much text book after that.  The contractions started out 10 minutes apart and were only lasting about 30 seconds...but it didn't take long for them to come faster and last longer.

rosti - swiss potato pancakes Aaron made for us while I was in early labor

At about 7:30 things started to get intense.  We called Cindy (our midwife) back and told her that things seemed to be moving along.  I was still unsure how long labour would take but we decided that it would be best if she started to get her things together to come (she lives about 45 minutes away).  At this point we were still pretty relaxed about it...expecting things to go for another few hours.  But things shortly started to get really really intense.  I ended up finding myself in the bathroom (our very very tiny bathroom) and the most comfortable position I could get in was on my knees and my elbows on the tub.

I could tell things were moving faster than expected and started to do anything I could to not push.  Which if you've done this before you know where I am...baby's head was moving down and all I wanted to do was push...and my midwife wasn't there yet - better yet I heard her call Aaron for our address (in my brain: WHAT THE _______...insert all horrible profanities here).  So I focused and let my body do what it was doing but I did everything I could to not "push" it along.  At the same time Aaron knew where things were going and quickly pulled up a website on delivering babies and started pacing from the window to see if the midwife was here, back to the bedroom to read the webpage, and then back to me - trying to convince me to slow down my breath, telling me I was doing a great job, and replacing a cold towel on my neck for every contraction.  We were both at the point where we were really getting worried that we were going to do this alone (of course none of this was discussed it was just thick in the air).

At 9:00 Cindy arrived - thank goodness.  Just in the nick of time...I couldn't hold out much longer.  I heard her come in and say "oh I hear pushing noises" and she ran back to her car to get her things.  By the time she got set up I was pushing.  And at 9:25 little Owen was born, right there in the bathroom, with Aaron crammed on one side and Cindy in the doorway.  When his head came out his umbilical cord was wrapped tightly around his neck twice, which Cindy was able to loosen in between the head and body coming out...but left him slightly limp and blue upon delivery.  As soon as he came out he was swooped up to my chest where I gave him a few pats before he choked out his very first cough and cry.  I rolled back on my butt and just stared in amazement - it all felt so surreal.

moments after arrival

Soon after the placenta was delivered and I was cleaned up and carried by Aaron and Cindy to my bed.  I lay there, in my bed, holding my new baby in such a fog of baby love.  He was so alert...within a few minutes he was already nudging around looking for a bite to eat.  For the next hour Aaron and I just soaked up the moment, made the necessary phone calls, and swooned.  Cindy wrote up her report and cleaned up in the other room.  When Cindy came back into the bedroom she checked the baby - weight, measurements, and general appearance and health of baby.  Soon after she was going over our "afterbirth care instruction sheet" and as soon as she was done with that she gave me a big hug and kiss and left.

back in bed...only 6 hours later

baby getting checked out

getting weighed 

(note Sid in the background...he doesn't miss a beat)

and there we were... at home with our new baby....

So things happened a little different than I thought they would...a bit faster than I anticipated, Isabelle wasn't there, I didn't get that water birth I had wanted, and I didn't gaze out to the lake with each contraction to find utter relaxation (hah)... it just happened exactly the way it was supposed to.

Thank you all so much again for your warm thoughts - we felt all of them.

xoxo,

Caitlyn, Aaron, Isabelle & Owen

my favorite 6 a.m. date

Many times I grumble my way out of bed with Isabelle as she anxiously awaits to start her day. But some mornings, when I am lucky... I realize and embrace all the love and excitement she holds for the day, her life, and me.

bowls filled with frozen berries and a tiny spoonful of brown sugar await oats simmered in milk

__________________

Quick baby update - no baby yet (obviously), at midwives appointment yesterday the baby sounded great.  I am now 41 weeks and I will get an ultrasound on Thursday to ensure all things are going well with baby.  The baby moved its position slightly, just sort of shifted sides...so I will be doing lots of cats & dogs to coax the baby back over to the left... and if for some reason the baby doesn't come by next Monday I will go in for a stress test at the hospital and we will take their advice from there on whether or not I will need to be induced.  I am trying to remain positive and trust that my body will do what it is suppose to...but for now at least plan B is set.  Please keep sending all those positive thoughts!

a list of needs

Today started with a lot of needs... from both Isabelle and Mommy.  Isabelle needed to play blocks with me immediately this morning... so instead of dropping the morning routine I decided that we should make a list of what we each "needed" to do.  I wanted to acknowledge Isabelle's needs but not address them immediately...I was still drinking my morning tea...

our morning lists of "needs"

And this is what we came up with and we talked about how each of the needs on both list are equally important (some advice shared with me by my friend Rebekka... try to identify and meet needs).  It seemed to help the urgency she had for needing me to play and am thinking this tactic could come in handy in the near future.  

One of my favorite items on the list was putting up christmas/winter ornaments and decorations.  We decided this year that we would wait until baby arrives to pick out a Christmas tree this year...usually it is the weekend after Thanksgiving or soon after...  I am a sucker for holiday cheer... the music, lights, the piney smell, etc.  And since we have to wait for the tree and I am getting the itch of holiday seasons today we decided to take down the fall garlands and decorations and break out our winter ones.

The garlands are something Isabelle and I made together last year, both the fall and winter ones, by wet felting balls and stars and then stringing them onto yarn with bells and other fun things.  The fall garlands were made with felt balls, dried cinnamon and applesauce cookies (that still smell so good), and old beads and buttons.  We also put up the felt christmas tree banner we made yesterday...

I absolutely love taking the time to make something with Isabelle I know I will take out every year and know that I will cherish these items for many many years.  Each garland or banner reminds me of time spent with Isabelle or the friends we spent time with while making them.

_________________

Oh and here is a picture of my granola bars from yesterday...they came out PERFECT!

the next few weeks...

I suspect my ability to keep up with the blog has been dwindling this past week and may do so even more leading up to D-day (and the weeks that follow).  I am going to try to the best of my ability to post a picture or two a day this week, mainly because I know my Grandma looks every day - and I don't want to disappoint!

2 of my favorite things:

 watching isabelle enjoy these toy horses as much as i did when i was younger

and the gap between her two front teeth

I can't believe it is only a week until my expected due date (seriously...it just sounds crazy typing those words).  Currently I still feel good, sleeping is a bit uncomfortable and I continue to have braxton hix contractions through out the day.  I feel, in many ways, like this is my first time being pregnant.  With Isabelle I was induced 4 days prior to my due date because my stomach "wasn't growing" according to the 4 different doctors that measured me on different dates....(sigh).  I don't really know what to expect as far as what it will feel like to start labor...I do remember labor and contractions quite well...just the beginning and progression of my labor was completely artificial the first time around (cervidil, pitocin, epidural...etc).  I suppose I am most excited to just call Aaron or wake him up in the middle of the night and say those epic words..."i think it's time!".

But for now we wait and enjoy the last few days of just the three of us...

walking and talking

Lately Isabelle and I have been taking lots of walks and talking quite a bit about the baby and what life will be like with a baby in the house.  She has so many questions, like...where the baby will sleep, what toys will the baby play with, will the baby cry a lot...and so on.  Most questions I can answer but some are a bit tough to know until we meet the baby and that in itself is a hard concept for Isabelle to grasp.

on our morning walk today (and yes she has been swallowed by the purple monster)

silliness

In a little while Isabelle and I will head down to Concord for a quick visit with our midwives...they are 90% sure the baby is head down (there is a little confusion because of the placement of my placenta) but want to be 100% sure so we are going to do a quick ultrasound to make sure baby is where it is supposed to be.  Both Isabelle and I are excited to get a quick glimpse of the baby one last time before we get to meet him or her!

Congregate by Nikki McClure

And later today we will be having a little Rhody reunion with some friends - we are really looking forward to seeing them, getting involved in inappropriate banter, and of course eating...  We wish the whole gang could come up but understand Kris & Sarah have more important things like work and what not in their life....(booo).....:).

Hopefully I will remember to take out my camera tonight to capture some silliness....

all isabelle, all day

So as mentioned...yesterday was sort of "my day" - Isabelle let me get away with a lot of crafting during the day.  And well...it sort of caught up.  This morning we already had one end of the world blow out...  I was merely trying to quickly combine ingredients for boston baked beans and put together dough for a no-knead bread....and well hell broke loose.  There was raised voices yelling, stomping, spilt milk (literally), door slamming, and tears...from both of us.  Some days are not meant to be filled with over ambitious ideas of what I think I need to accomplish...

the boston baked beans...

So today, we will be playing all day...and with 65 degrees and sun in the forecast I simply can't wait to go outside... and do what ever she wants... which so far has been:

dancing to our pandora station: kids folk music

declaring we NEED a magic wand...and promptly getting out supplies

and smiling...

which is so much better than 2 hours ago

And now Isabelle decided, on her own, that she needed a warm bath to relax before we go outside (I wish I could fit in our mini tub with her...it sounds wonderful indeed).  Hence why I was able to throw up a quick post to share in our not so perfect but wonderful morning.   

taking it easy

Taking it easy... that has been the motto for the past week.  For the past few days I have been feeling a bit under the weather and thus monopolizing the couch, drinking lots of water, and gurgling salt water (all the while trying to minimally entertain Isabelle).  I have managed to capture a few pictures of the past few days....although nothing that will likely "wow" anyone - just us.... taking it easy...

receiving blankets, burp cloths, bibs, booties, oh my!

I had one productive day last week where I finished sewing receiving blankets, burp cloths and bibs for some special babies out there.  I started this project with my mom in RI and brought the last few things to finish up here.  It has been nice breaking out the sewing machine...I can only imagine it will collect dust for a while after baby is born...

a little fuzzy but here is mr. furio snuggled up in the lamb skin

the beginnings of some delicious french onion soup

a new book

A few months ago one of my favorite blogs author (soulemama) was preparing for her 5th home birth and she shared this book "Welcome With Love", by Jenni Overend, that she used to prepare her little ones for the coming of their new baby.  I made a mental note that I would need to get that for Isabelle when the time was right...and with 6 weeks to go...the time is now.  This is a beautifully illustrated book about a family who has a home birth, it is both honest and real about what happens and is told through the eyes of the youngest brother.  It has really opened up our discussions with Isabelle about what to expect - mommy will have pains in her belly and she might will yell and scream - but that is what happens when you have a baby.  We have read the book over and over and each time she has new questions and is quite impressed with her word of the day: placenta!

isabelle visits and re-visits the actual birth pages with intrigue

We are still slightly unsure of how things will go, there isn't exactly a place to hide and seek quiet if I am screaming... but Grammy will be here just for Isabelle and who knows....Isabelle might just wake up to a new baby in the morning...only time will tell.

Saturday and Sunday were spent in Maine, where we visited with Grampy Weed, and Great Grampy & Great Grammy Weed.  We had the pleasure of visiting with great grammy's sister-in-law, Norma, who has some beautiful 26 acres in Union, ME right on a lake.  It was quite lovely to roam around their property, weave through the apple orchards, play hide and seek by the lake, and enjoy the chesnut trees (Norma and her late husband Austin were dedicated to growing and reintroducing the American Chesnut - a tree that has been totally devistated by Asian Chestnut blight).  Unfortunately I don't have any photos to show for it, Aaron took a few and now are on a remote hard drive (so we may never see them).

Either way things have been going pretty well around here (not the part with me having a cold...) and we continue to just take it easy and enjoy the three of us for the remaining few weeks until number four comes along.

a new friend and potatoes

Saturday morning Isabelle received a package from the mail man - "he brought me a present?"  she squealed.  "No, not the mailman, I think this one is from grammy & grampa", I say after noticing that familiar natural nova tape wrapped around the box.  Isabelle bounced as she unwrapped her (belated) birthday gift from her grandparents and instantly hugged her new friend.

isabelle and her new friend allison

And what a sweet new friend she is.  She is a fare trade doll made by hand from a small group of women in Peru, "...the women clean, card, and spin the wool, hand-dye all of the materials, and bring each component together into a beautiful, lovable doll".  And well, some may think I drank the juice on this one, but I have to say she is a very lovable doll.  Isabelle is practicing taking on and off her clothes (again and again), usually gently telling baby not to cry.  Feeding baby, taking her on a stroll, and making sure she gets plenty of sleep.  And then we both get to talk about the new baby that will be coming in December and Isabelle assures me she and Allison will be ready for her new baby sister or brother.

In other news we harvested one of three rows of potatoes!  And they were delicious!  Isabelle had so much fun watching as Aaron dug and the little potatoes would show their dirty red faces - "there's a chunker one" she would yell with big ones...and "ohhh there's a little baby one" she would coo with the small ones and she would dart in and grab them out of the dirt.

                                  
                                            

And after a quick toss with olive oil, rosemary, a little s & p and roasted for about 25 minutes they made for a lovely side to go with our local clear water caught salmon and coleslaw (cabbage & carrots a la garden).  What a lovely and scrumptious Sunday.

yum

{trying to be} a more mindful parent

So I told myself I wasn't going to go into any rants or deep sharing but I think once and a while I likely will - so go ahead and skip this post if you aren't interested - I won't even know...

Lately Isabelle has been becoming more independent, strong-willed, and clearly identifies what she wants and what she doesn't want (what is a good word for that...?).  Which in turn translates into: "I want to zip my coat"... and 45 minutes later still in the doctors waiting room sitting there patiently anxiously encouraging her to try again, "I need to wear my jelly shoes in the house"...even though we always take our shoes off at the door and I watch her stomp all the dirt out of her shoes on my *clean floor, and "I don't like pants I want to wear a dress with a skirt under it"...translating to she will only wear 1/8 of the clothes she has.

And while these things may not seem to be a big deal - and well they aren't - they tire me out and I become a less mindful parent.  I say things like "let me just do it", "if you wear those shoes in the house I'm taking them away forever", and "Isabelle if you don't put on the clothing now I'm taking away X".  (It should also be noted that I don't exactly say these things sweetly...rather just the opposite) Instead I am trying to work on re-phrasing..."Let's try to zip it up together or that first part is really hard maybe we could do it together", "see mommy take her shoes off, lets take them off together... if not lets go back outside and play a bit more", and "let's both get dressed - here is the outfit we picked out together last night...".

All these things seem easy enough right?  Wrong, for me anyways - sometimes I get so caught up in the whirl wind of transitioning back from work, making dinner, cleaning, etc that I lose myself and my ability to be mindful and respectful to Isabelle.  I want her to be independent, strong-willed, and a know what she wants type of girl.

And why am I sharing this?  Firstly, because it is 4:00 in the morning and I woke up thinking about it and well I suppose maybe one way to begin this journey of mindful parenting is to admit and own the way I have been parenting and share the way I hope to parent.  I don't mean to sound like I think I'm the worst parent in the world or that I don't practice mindful parenting (I don't think that), I think I can be better- more supportive, patient, less rushed, and to let Isabelle be Isabelle.

So what is the plan?  To really listen with love to what Isabelle's needs are, read some suggested books, talk to other parents, take deep breaths and compose myself, remind myself that I am my child's first teacher, maybe some meditation in there...not quite sure yet what the exact plan is...but I need to get my "parenting-self" in check.

goal: more of this (picture taken last year)